Last night was rough. I'm not going to lie. I keep this blog positive -- this is not a place to say ugly things about other people (and honestly I don't have anything ugly to say about anyone anyway!). But I'm going to be honest about myself, warts and all.
First, I'm still struggling with the sport court, though I think I am starting to get used to it. The new wheels I bought seem to help. I've lost some speed (they are grippier wheels, which means slower -- I've gone from a 93 durometer (the hardness of the wheels -- higher number equals harder wheel) to an 88, which is what many of the girls use on the sport court. Anyway, I have to work harder to go the same speed I was going on the 93s, *but* I'm more confident because my wheels aren't sliding around.
Last night was the first time I had skated in a WEEK. That wasn't my choice -- I would *never* choose to miss a week of practices. But there was pudding wrestling on Friday, and then Saturday and Monday I was sick. I had, at least, gone to class and done cardio on Friday and Wednesday, but still. Ugh. Couch potato week.
I never, ever want to take a week off from skating again. I had been getting to the point where my shins didn't hurt much even when I very first skated. Well, last night, those mofos *hurt*, and between that and the fact that I was struggling for speed *and* the fact that I was probably not completely over being sick ... I had to drop out of the pace lines. I couldn't even sustain skating around the inside track. It *sucked*.
They are cracking down on the requirements for scrimmaging -- you have to have passed minimim skills (check), you have to have passed the written rules test (not yet), and you have to have been to two practices a week since passing minimum skills (nope -- it hasn't been two weeks yet). So I didn't get to scrimmage, but honestly, that's fine. At this point in my progress, after not skating for a week, I probably *shouldn't* scrimmage.
So I was an inside pack ref instead, skating around the inside of the track and calling penalties. It was very, very educational. Any derby girl reading this, if you think the referees' job is easy, you should try refereeing at a scrimmage or two. First, skating around the inside of the track is not that easy. Keeping up with the pack wouldn't have been hard, except that there were three or four other people also skating that narrow little lane, plus skaters sometimes getting pushed to the inside, and it just gets very crowded. And then you have to watch for rules violations (mostly elbowing, back-blocking and cutting the track), and make snap judgments on whether it was a minor or major violation ... It's hard. I already had respect for the referees, but being on that side of the line has given me a new understanding.
So anyway ... after the scrimmage, the team had a long talk that Tami and I were not included in ... so we were over with the refs. And then at one point they called Tami over. Except the acoustics in that place are terrible, so I thought they were calling us both over, and I went too. I thought they were just calling us over like, "OK, time to get on with practice."
Yeah, no. They were inviting Tami to join the travel team. So I stood there like a dork for a few seconds, and then skated back over to the refs. It was pretty embarrassing. At least, thank goodness, I didn't say anything -- because it would be just like me to open my big dumb mouth and say something dumb in a situation like that. So, points to me: what I should have said was nothing, and what I said was nothing.
Hey, I am really happy for Tami. And it's not like we were both in competition for a spot on the team and it went to her. I'm *not* ready, and I know that. I knew other girls who passed minimum skills with me would get put on the team sooner than I would (if I am at all). I just didn't think it would happen so soon. But it is what it is, and it just means I have to work harder and get myself scrimmage-eligible, and then hopefully bout-ready.
Mostly, though, I was just really embarrassed. Wetback (love her, though I'm still not 100% comfortable calling her that) came out and talked with me, and that was cool because for one thing I needed to talk, and for another, at least one person knew I was just embarrassed, not mad that I wasn't put on the team. Hell, as I write this now I know I'm making too big a deal of the embarrassment. It was just a rough damn night.
Anyway, after I talked with Wetback, I went back in and joined the drill that was going on, and got through it and kept up with the pack (with assists, but that's OK). I finished the practice, when what I wanted to do most in the world was go home. I'm going to give myself some credit for that. Staying and finishing the practice was absolutely the right thing to do, but it was also hard. And I did it. So, good on me.
On Tuesday, I had a one-on-one coaching session with Wetback, which was awesome. She helped me set some goals (I will post them in a separate post). Even though last night kind of sucked, I am still totally committed to working toward my goals. I don't know if I will ever be on the travel team -- that is not in my control. But I *will* be a good enough skater to be on the team.
One more thing. I weigh myself on Thursday mornings. I wasn't enthusiastic about that this morning -- I had skated *once* since my last weigh-in, and had only worked out twice, and hadn't been all that careful about what I had eaten. But I made myself do it. I figured, if I had just maintained, I would be happy. And if I had gained, well, that would fit the theme of the week: suckiness.
I lost a pound.
So here's the plan. I'm going to shake last night off, hope I didn't behave like an a-hole at practice (I'm pretty sure I didn't), and get to work on my goals. And never, ever miss practice again!!!